you break your neck, to keep your chin up.

Last night, I cried more than I ever have in my life. I cried not just for the events that went on then, but for everything that has ever happened. I cried for the people I've hurt, the times I've been hurt, the shit my younger siblings are being put through, the reality of it all. It wasn't just a few tears, I was straight up sobbing. Not just for a few minutes, for hours. I fell asleep crying. It's taken me up to now, keeping it all bundled up. I reached breaking point. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life.
It took this major mental breakdown to HONESTLY see how messed up I am. I've known it all along, but it's never really sunk in. As a matter of fact, I just kinda overlooked it. I'd have my times where I'd get down and know about how bad off I am, but never has the thought came through my head, "I need help." Last night, it did. I kept thinking over and over "I need someone here. I need to talk to someone." I talked to multiple people about being upset.
You'll never guessed what pushed me over my limit last night.
A boy.
Rather, the boy.
The one that was "the" boy for 7 months..
Everything just kinda blew up.

God, I don't even want to go into detail.

Let's just say, we fought. I guess.

I'll love him forever, even if he never did to start with..
And rather he believes it or not..

I love you, so much..
and being without you is absolutely terrible.
I wish you the best..