Everyone's mad.

I can't help what I did. Now that I've done it, I don't want to change my mind. It may be the biggest mistake of my life, but I can't help it. Everyone found out, and hell broke loose.

I'm so frustrated, I want to bang my head into a brick wall.
That'd be less pain than what I feel right now.
God damn.

imsosleepy.

I'm running on sleep deprivation. My medicine makes it where I can't fall asleep until like 1, and when I try to stay up past that I get high off my ass. THENNN it wakes me up at about 5. So 4 hours of sleep. The nights I don't take it, I don't sleep any. So, basically. Until I heal, I'll be going insane from sleep lost. BUT naps make it bearable.

On the brightside, I get to see all of my Myrtle Beach lovers this weekend.

July 4th.

Fireworks. Bam bam bam bam bam bam bammmm, <3 (:

oh&&&&&&&&
Jansen is gone now. 32 days until I see him!
it sucks having your best friend go on tour. ): </3

Two can play at that game (;

You have a girlfriend.

Don't text me in the middle of the night telling me you love me. I know she wouldn't like that very much. As much as I love to see that, I can't be the "other" girl. I can't let you do to her what you did to me. I didn't reply "i love you too" I simply said "wow". You can't do this to her. I'd hate to know you put another girl through what you put me through. 
Even if waking up to that text made my day worth it.



<

Wow.

So yesterday came as a real surprise to me. It opened my eyes really.
goodness goodness.
this time when i say im going back to how i use to be,
i mean it.
i'll stick with it this time.

screwwwwwwwwwwwwww haters (;

Hell to pay.

I seriously feel like I can't take anymore of this insanity. I feel so broken and alone. I have all of my friends with me, but I still feel like I have nothing there. I'm just, empty. I can't handle it. I need someone to prove to me that this is worth it. That in the end something good can come out of all this bull shit. I need someone to honestly care for me and about me. To care about my happiness. I have people that try to be that person, but I push them away. I want to find that one person, who won't stop even when I do.

It hurts so bad..

Today, I found out that the boy I loved with all of my heart has went back to someone else. I cried for 2 hours. I keep crying. I feel like my heart has been broken all over again. I know I dated someone after him, but I also broke up with that person because I still wasn't over him.. and he was telling me he still loved me at the time.. It hurts so bad. All I feel is pain. Jansen came over and held me while I cried for so long, and others are trying to tell me that it's okay. I can't help it though, there words are just words. That doesn't fix my pain. I have people trying to tell me just to stop crying that it's not worth the tears. I agree, it's not. I can't help it. The one person that actually made me feel like I was worth something, honestly made me feel that way, is gone. Now that he's gone back to her, the realization of loosing him has sunk in. It's hell. He will never be mine again. I will never hear him tell me he loves me again. He's hers, and he loves her. Just typing that kills me. Just thinking about it kills me even more. Just telling people why I'm crying, murders me completely. I don't think he'll ever understand just what he's put me through.
Just to hear him say I love you, i'd die for.
It may have been only 7-8 months, but I went through so much with him.
He helped me through so much.
I loved him, so god damn much.
& it hurts.
It really really hurts.