I feel like literal shit.

I want to sleep, but that's become an impossible task. I took the wrong medication yesterday, and that really messed me up. I want to puke, but I can't hardly move enough to do that. Randomly, I'll have these mad shaking attacks and it's crazy. Imagine me driving two hours to my big sister's like this, with my little sister in the car. God. That was crazy.

Cause you feed me fables from your hand

With violent words and empty threats

And it's sick that all these battles

Are what keeps me satisfied

On top of that, I'm still having my random tears over "him". I don't know. He's what I've had for 7 months, and now he's just gone. I feel empty. I feel numb. The pain is gone, for now. It's just nothing. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even focus on anything I do anymore. I know it's going to bug the hell outta my friends when I see them. God damn. Why is life always so difficult for me? Why couldn't it just have been a normal relationship instead of constant fighting?

Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels like he should be having his fun
Much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really,
He has no-one...

So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh, will I ever learn?
Oh, Lover, you should've come over
Cause it's not too late.

Tell me, when are you going to realize that I can't live without you?

Can you just come back.? Please.. 

you break your neck, to keep your chin up.

Last night, I cried more than I ever have in my life. I cried not just for the events that went on then, but for everything that has ever happened. I cried for the people I've hurt, the times I've been hurt, the shit my younger siblings are being put through, the reality of it all. It wasn't just a few tears, I was straight up sobbing. Not just for a few minutes, for hours. I fell asleep crying. It's taken me up to now, keeping it all bundled up. I reached breaking point. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life.
It took this major mental breakdown to HONESTLY see how messed up I am. I've known it all along, but it's never really sunk in. As a matter of fact, I just kinda overlooked it. I'd have my times where I'd get down and know about how bad off I am, but never has the thought came through my head, "I need help." Last night, it did. I kept thinking over and over "I need someone here. I need to talk to someone." I talked to multiple people about being upset.
You'll never guessed what pushed me over my limit last night.
A boy.
Rather, the boy.
The one that was "the" boy for 7 months..
Everything just kinda blew up.

God, I don't even want to go into detail.

Let's just say, we fought. I guess.

I'll love him forever, even if he never did to start with..
And rather he believes it or not..

I love you, so much..
and being without you is absolutely terrible.
I wish you the best..

Wake Up.

 You decided to text me tonight, and try to prove to me that I never loved you?
Pain.
Pain.
Pain.
Every word you said cause me so much pain.
In the end, you went to sleep.
I gave you a goodbye, not goodnight.
I can't take anymore.
What's it going to take,
to show you that you're the only person I can ever love that much.
Please, just realize.

Stressed..

Ever since I deleted all of my blogs, I've supposed to be more happy. I'm supposed to be trying hard. Don't get me wrong, I have been trying. I've been ignoring bull shit and keeping a smile, but today it ain't working. I wish I would have kept my blog posts. I want to look back and see everything me and Christian went through.

I miss him.

I want him.

This is crazy.

I've never felt this much pain over one person.